Candy by Mian Mian

A semi-autobiographical novel of a girl born into the intellectual class in 1970 - with that incredible self-centeredness of that entire generation who had no sisters or brothers -- with nothing to live for --but how they feel right NOW.

So it's a series of obsessions -- sex, drugs, broken heart, and eventually self-descriptive writing (how else would we ever get this book?)

All of it enabled by the poor, suffering parents - like her father -- who, in the very first sentence,
"pushed her in front of the Mona Lisa" and made her listen to classical music -- but all in vain.
She hated/feared the beautiful -- she had staked out her personal territory as a world of:

"The smell of air-conditioning, the smell of heroin, real and bogus, the smell of condoms, the smell of blow jobs, the smell of fast-food take-out containers, the smell of frozen fruit, the black-and-white Cantonese movies, the smell of table lamps, the smell of sweet-rice porridge, the smell of paper money, the smell of the hotel manager, the smell of vomit"


The first half of her book records her descent into this hell of ugliness/emptiness following the suicide of a classmate at her elite high school -- and the wonder of it is the juxtaposition of the two girls -- the one who is making the decent - and the one who has obviously climbed back out - and now is looking back and writing about it.

And the special wonder of it, for me, is how real, how understandable it all seems -- although its all taking place in a very different cultural tradition -- even if its boom-town setting of Shanzhen is a kind of a nether world joining Chinese and American commerce -- and the ever beckoning presence of American rock-n-roll. (the protagonist and her friends all dabble as grunge-rock musicians - and know the sad story of Kurt Cobain)

I suppose that its great virtue is that she blames no one but herself -- but she also isn't making any effort to lift herself up -- other than by entertaining her readers with this "candy" made out of her suffering and degradation.

"I have one more present for you. It's a song. It's called "all the good children will have candy to eat"

We're not good children. And I'm out of candy.
We are good children, and the candy is our stories"


The second half of the novel -- following her trips to rehab --that her ever suffering father has arranged for her -- is less compelling. (and BTW -- whatever happened to mother ? she's as absent from her story as her boyfriend's father is from his)

The narrative thread is gone -- and the story bounces around through various time and various speakers -- chaotic, confusing -- sometimes humorous - always nihilistic - as our girl is finding a place in the world --as a modern artist.

All her friends are artsy -- and there are some episodes that are memorable -- like when her sculptor boyfriend wants to engage a professional cinematographer to film them having sex in their own special way (it requires a mirror). She doesn't want to --but has no strong reason to resist -- so they go ahead and engage a gay friend to do the job -- but when they're finally all together in the hotel room, the energy for it is gone - and who really cares anyway ?

The portrait of her first lover and lifelong soulmate is interesting. He's just as self-obsessed as her -- maybe more so - and like her, his indulgent lifestyle is the gift of his intellectual parents.
Their sexual attraction burns out -- but they remain connected -- as if through mutual disgust (I think that's the only feeling they really trust)

But the portraits of her other lovers are so mishmashed together - as if seen through a drunken fog. At some point, she starts sleeping with women -- but that's no big deal for her -it's just one more way to get through the night.

I guess the question here is -- how is her world different from some of the trash-punk- rock scenes in America or elsewhere ? And how is it different from the low life spent by Golden Lotus in that Ming Dynasty erotic classic ? An underworld of sex-drugs-music seems to be a timeless opportunity -- available in any civilization -- and those of us who avoid it are sometimes entertained by those who haven't.

And finally -- the question is -- if these kids' parents knew how painful -- and expensive -- the lives of their children would become -- would they have done anything different ? We only get distant glimpses of the father's life -- but it seems to be tumultuous as well. He's quit his job for the state, and is striking out on his own as a self-employed engineer - which might be why he supports an independent life for his daughter, allowing her to drop out of school and go wherever she finds opportunity as she "finds herself". It's not made very explicit, but he also seems to have separated from his wife.

Mian's protagonist, like herself, opted out of parenthood -- but what can people do if they want a family ? It's almost as if the generation that were sent to the countryside had it better -- or even those pre-1900 generations with the terrifying Confucian father authority figure.

********************
Some further reflections -- a week later -- after listening to Billie Holiday on the Verve recordings from the late Forties -- I guess my favorite vocalist lived in a very similar world - of despair, loneliness, self-destruction, and bi-sexuality -- but also amazing creativity. Billie's crackling voice sounds like she's 70 years old on those recordings -- and she was only in her early thirties.